Written in the wee hours of June 27th, 1998...
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Almost everyone is mean at one time or another. If you're not mean, then odds are you're a victim or someone else is being mean for you. That's because sometimes we have to be mean or we get trampled over by the meaner people. Sad but true fact of life. I don't like it, but this is how it is.
Of course, lately I've been saying things and they are coming back to haunt me. I don't outright consider myself a mean sort, but I am rather... agressive. Most of the time I get in trouble for saying what I think without thinking about how it sounds to others. But this is not all that's getting me into trouble. I tend to act on a few impulses and do some rather rash things at times. After I realize my mistakes, I do apologize and try to make right what I've done wrong. Sometimes it just doesn't work, though. Sometimes a person says the wrong thing to the wrong person and BOOM! an emotional explosion occurs. It's a phenomena I only seem to relate to once a month, if you get my drift. Don't get me wrong, I don't always have an emotional explosion, but I can understand it a bit better when my hormone production is off-balance. Currently there are three different people upset with me. That's actually my record. It's nothing I'm proud of. I've apologized for all three offenses, but I'm still not off the proverbial hook and don't expect to be for a while. It bites, but I'll still live. It's hard to admit where you were wrong and try to make amends for it. I'm still learning... we all have to keep learning, I suppose. Well, at least we do if we're concerned with improving ourselves. So once again, I think I'll just put my foot back in my mouth where it belongs and wait for the opportunity to redeem myself. One thing I'd liketo point out, though... Never say sorry if you don't truly mean it. I hate dishonesty more than anything. Besides, it devalues the the word sorry when you merely say it and expect all to be forgiven. It doesn't work that way and shouldn't. Even though I'm the bad guy this time around, I still recognize that. |